I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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