sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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