the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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