Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
