It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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