Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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