I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
