yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
