Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
