Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
