someone owes me an orgasm
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
