she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
