I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
