Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
