there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
