Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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