My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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