loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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