i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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