Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
