It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
