When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
