I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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