I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
