i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
