I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
