Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize