I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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