I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
