I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
