Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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