Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
