I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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