So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
