need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
