Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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