that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
