Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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