I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
