I cannot find my penis.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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