Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
