Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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