I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
