I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
