Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
