mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
