East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
