Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize