Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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