So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
