so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
