lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
