what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
