and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
