Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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