my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
