Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
