Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
