I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
