FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
