he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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