2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
