in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize