He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
