buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
