WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
