Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i believe in u and ur pee
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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