The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
