I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude. I can hear the air.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
