I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize