You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
