I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My bed smells like the plague
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
