my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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