that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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