If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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