the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
