Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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