So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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