I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
