He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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