I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she told me i tasted like america
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
please don't ironically join a cult
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